Apparel

You’re very ugly.

Ok, sorry, I probably could have skipped that part. The point is—yes I was going somewhere with that—that if you get the right clothes you won’t look so… ugly. Oops. Alright, guess we can’t skip that part. Click here, ugly.

Gaming

Reality is f*cked. As a result, it is important for your health to avoid reality as often as possible.

Video games are meticulously engineered to distract you from reality and even trick you into thinking you’re happy, which is much healthier than facing reality. Click here to be saved (i.e. distracted from) dystopia.

Household

Only you, possessing the vaccuum of intelligence that you do (pun intended, f*cking love puns), could be doing a bad job of buying day-to-day items. There’s a lot to go over here, but for starters, if you buy toilet paper so cheap that it would actually cease to exist if it were any thinner… please let us help you. Please.